Can you lead with kindness?
Leadership is a hard-nosed thing, right? Especially in a downturn. If you're too soft, people will take advantage, won't strive to hit their targets (aka to please you, in these days of evaporating bonuses) and you won't be a strong leader, right? Well, it's not really as simple as that, is it.
Being a 'hard but fair' leader, a disciplinarian who keeps on top of people to ensure they do what they are supposed to do, and that they constantly report back to you for a pat on the head and try hard to avoid your temper if they did wrong...It's all a bit old-fashioned and uninspiring, isn't it; both for you and the people you lead. Yes, you need some of the elements of a 'hard but fair leader' - setting expectations for yourselves and others and ensuring you and others strive for high performance - but all the baggage that goes with it is increasingly outmoded.
You want people to perform to a high level and do the right thing regardless of whether you are there or not, whether you will know about it or not, whether you will shout about it or not. You want them to do it because they are inspired to do it, not because they are afraid of the boss if they don't do it.
Over on his Leadership Now blog, Michael McKinney re-visits this whole 'tough leader or kind leader' thing and says it's not a case of opposites, not a case of hard or soft leadership. Michael looks at the book Leading With Kindness, to ask if it's possible and to break the idea that tough/hard/demanding leadership is the opposite of kind/soft/undemanding leadership. Michael says:
"Bill Baker and Michael O’Malley have done a service with their book, Leading With Kindness. As awkward as that title might seem at first blush, the authors aren’t suggesting that kind leaders have a soft personality, or are sissies, or are well liked at all times. (“You can be hard-nosed and kind.”) Leading with kindness is not a hot-tub leadership where the participants pass the torch singing Kumbaya. In fact they write, “They muddle through life much like the rest of us, mostly unnoticed except by those around them who are keenly aware that they are in the presence of someone special.” (That last sentence reminds me that great leaders are not great because they are super-human. Instead, they are ordinary but growth-oriented people with character that have chosen to make a commitment to a bold course of action that is in the best interest of those they serve despite the odds.)"Gets my vote. Click on the blog link, above, to read more. Just because trading conditions get hard, doesn't mean your leadership style has to.
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Yes You Can
It is all about an iron fist in a silk glove.
Kindness what does it mean?
* Compassion,
* thoughtfulness,
* humanity,
* consideration,
* helpfulness.
All of the competencies we want to see in our leaders to and which if this site is any indication we all aspire to ourselves.
Great post Phil. Thank you..
Kate
Kind leadership, it's a kind of leadership
Hi all,
I was reading this thread, and a couple of things struck me.
1) It seems that in making the distinction between kind and hard nosed leadership, there seems to be being drawn a parallel to situational leadership. Hard nosed, do as I say, is the directing phase, the softer, kinder form of leadership, the show me what you can do, would seem to be the supporting and directing phases.
2) I also find it a bit strange that it seems that people think that kind leadership is somehow not tough. Surely that's one of the toughest forms. Harder to do, because you have to understand more (yourself and those following you), but also much harder to rail against, or resist (and, by implication, more likely to be successful in the long term, the words Mandela and Gandhi spring to mind here). In the ideal situation of all other factors being roughly equal, would you feel worse letting someone down who asked nicely, who is trying to help you to help them, or someone who just barked a requirement at you. Would you feel better doing something for someone who will appreciate your work, or someone who expects it. And, what different level of commitment would you make to that work?
Now, would you also think that kinder leadership would be harder to follow as well? It's very easy to follow someone who projects power and dominance, who has that 'go and do it that way' kind of attitude. This is because, I think, the reqirements, the goals, and the path are very clear. You also have a fairly good idea what will happen if you don't. That removes a lot of the moral questions for you.Fight him, he's the enemy. Don't talk to them, they don't look right. Don't do it that way, that's how our competitor's do it.
Harder to follow someone who just asks you nicely to get something done. It can be very demanding to have to do something without a clear process, especially if you are trailblazing a new process. This is the situation where the support, consideration and compassion come in. If you were simply told to do something a different way, the responsibility for success or failure depends on who is telling you what to do. A safe position to be in. If you are asked to find a better way, the responsibility for success or failure lies with you. Not a comfortable position, but, with kind leadership, not an unsafe position either.
Maybe the old way of leading still works, still exists, is still studied and adopted, because it is tested, it has a clear formula which can be learned, and has shown that it works. Maybe old style leadership has transformed itself into current management. This can be seen, I think, in the adoption of military style structures into business, in the teaching of leadership in management courses, in The Art of War being considered required reading for managers in the 80's who wanted to succeed. It can also be seen, I think, in the plethora of metrics associated with leadership. Questionairres, evaluation instruments, qualifications that require the study of a set syllabus. Would be interesting to ask a few of the Branson and Welch's if the leadership that they showed that lead to their success was the leadership they were taught as students, or the leadership they learned as human beings.
Colin.