Picking Your Battles

Submitted by Kate on January 13, 2008 - 5:45am.

Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. * H G Wells

How often are we faced with the challenge of what battle to fight and what to let pass to the keeper? Why is it that some people have to win regardless of the sense of doing so and regardless of the negative impact on business, on others and on themselves? This behaviour fascinates me and we all see this within our organisations. So what drives this behaviour?

From my seat;

Ego
Win at all costs brainwashing
Power; and the need to exert power
Insecurity
Fear; fear of being seen as weak
Dare I say at times foolishness
Immaturity and lack of experience

It is easy I guess to judge, we have all been guilty of this behaviour. Is it a sign of maturity, leadership development, commonsense and experience that we learn to pick our battles? In essence to compromise and ‘bend a little’. At times, turn the other cheek.

Life is so much more satisfying and enriching when we learn this lesson. Pick our battles and don't stress over what we can't control or isn't worth worrying about.

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The law of who cares less

By Colin Scowen on January 14, 2008 - 12:57pm

I once read in a book, or was told about, or heard on the radio, I can't remember exactly, that when a confrontation arises, it will usually end in 'victory' for whoever cares most about the outcome. Whoever cares less, is going to lose, so you might as well examine whether you care more or less, and then fight or concede as appropriate. (Note: This assumes that the evidence and statistics and cost benefit are reasonably balanced on either side)

Might be that people who are naturally more passionate are more likely to use that passion to gain the 'victory'.

I use this when I see a confrontation coming, either at work or at home, basically asking myself, how much real difference will it make if I concede this issue. I try to do this as soon as I see a fight coming, rather than half way through, as, by then, it's usually too late.

Colin.

Saving Face

By Kate Moor on January 14, 2008 - 10:27pm

We have touched on 'ego' previously and I believe this has a lot to do with people's inability to walk away. In conceding the point people often view this as a sign of weakness or loss of face. In reality it isn't , but the person in question needs to see this and accept this for themselves. This comes with self awareness.

I have also learnt to walk away or to concede if it doesn't make a difference and to 'hold' my ground it nothing more than put up a roadblock. When you do this, the responses from others is at times intriguing.

I made a pledge to myself some years back to work on reducing my reliance on my 'ego'. The 'what will others think' trap. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter what others think - it is about being able to live with yourself.

Kate